It's Monday morning and I am asking God two questions today. I don't think I'm angry and I am not blaming God for Jane's passing a few days ago. I know she is in Heaven and is healed but why did she have to go so soon? And where do I go from here?
Jane felt so humbled by and thankful for the outpouring of support for us these past few months. She loved thinking of you and when we spoke of each act of kindness that we knew about, she marveled. Her goal was to get well enough to feel like getting together with you to give you thanks and a hug personally. We just couldn't get her there except for very brief periods so for now, I thank each of you for the two of us.
Our prayer is that each of you would call out to God today to seal your future with Him, so that you could join Jane for a meeting in Heaven. I know she wants to give you that hug she owes you.
Dave
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Visitation and Funeral
Visitation - Woodstock Funeral Home in downtown Woodstock from 6-8 PM Friday, March 28
Funeral - First Baptist Church Woodstock - 2 PM - Saturday, March 29
Funeral - First Baptist Church Woodstock - 2 PM - Saturday, March 29
My heart is broken
I am assured that my precious wife and best friend Jane is with Jesus today. At about this time yesterday as she was struggling to get her breath, Jane was calling out to me to help her. As I was trying to sooth her and help her, she quit calling out to me and starting calling out to Jesus to help her. I believe that at that moment, my love found the perfect healing and peace that we had been trying to find. She found the best Medical Institute and that Great Physician that I could never find for her here on earth. She is now pain free and doesn't have to be afraid of anything again. I praise God for giving me this life, this love and the Promise of a future. This life on earth, though so good and special, is not all there is. On that Promise, I can live.
Dave
Jane - You have been the perfect mate for me, you filled my days with happiness, I thank God for each day we had together and I will always love you.
Dave
Jane - You have been the perfect mate for me, you filled my days with happiness, I thank God for each day we had together and I will always love you.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Mom has passed away... Praise God for no more pain!
Thanks for all who continue to pray and think about our family...
Mom passed away early Wednesday morning at home in Dad's arms. She did make it home after doctors said she probably would not check out of the hospital. We praise God that she has found peace.
Please pray for Dad now, as he will need a mountain of support to move forward. We need to make sure he knows how much we have all appreciated him extending her life for so long and that we still need our Daddy to show us how to live and love. Mom knew how put up a noble fight for Dad and all of her children and grandchildren.
She was uncomfortable throughout the night and did not want to leave us alone. We all tried to console her and let her know we were there for her. She told us how proud she was and how much she loved us all.
We will continue to post and honor our mother.
We love you all!
Mom passed away early Wednesday morning at home in Dad's arms. She did make it home after doctors said she probably would not check out of the hospital. We praise God that she has found peace.
Please pray for Dad now, as he will need a mountain of support to move forward. We need to make sure he knows how much we have all appreciated him extending her life for so long and that we still need our Daddy to show us how to live and love. Mom knew how put up a noble fight for Dad and all of her children and grandchildren.
She was uncomfortable throughout the night and did not want to leave us alone. We all tried to console her and let her know we were there for her. She told us how proud she was and how much she loved us all.
We will continue to post and honor our mother.
We love you all!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Pray for Mom's Kidneys
As dad stated in the last post, it is really important at this time to pray for mom's kidney function to return. We are very concerned about her fluid retention and it is making her very sick and uncomfortable.
Dad and I just prayed for this and we ask you to join us. So many things hinge on this functionality.
Dad and I just prayed for this and we ask you to join us. So many things hinge on this functionality.
Praise God.
Yesterday, as my faith in miracles faltered, I thought Jane was going to die. I tried to say so many things to assure her of my undying love for her. I asked her to reassure me that she had accepted God as her Lord and Savior. She said she had. I just wanted to make sure one more time, even though she had told me the story of her salvation during her high school years many times. I had to make sure that we would meet again in heaven if God called her home today.
She kind of woke up and said "I'm not ready to go." I asked why. She said "We have too many things to get done." I asked her what things. She said - We have to make sure this (the cancer) doesn't happen to Susan. What else - I have to take care of Caleb. (He is our grandson. He and Jane have a very unique and special bond). Then she said we have to get Kelly taken care of. I said I think he is doing ok. She said, "Yes and he is so sweet." Then I asked what else - She said "and we have to clean the house." We weren't able to finish the list due to medical personnel surrounding us but we will. Praise God that He gave us at least one more day.
Today we are going to our home in Woodstock. That is a great thing but the day has been real tough since the doctor had to come in and be brutally honest about our slim chances of whipping this disease. That makes 5 doctors recently who have had the duty to do that. Jane and I both took this kind of hard and cried a lot for each other. First of all, we both realize that God can reach down at any time and give us another miracle if He chooses. Beyond that, we know that cancer is a horrible disease and do not need anyone to tell us that. My sweet and precious wife has been living with it for 5 1/2 years.
When either of our lives are ended, we know that we will join Jesus. But, we have had a great relationship here on earth for 39 years of marriage and a great life because of that relationship so we just don't want that to end. I thank God that He made a perfect mate for me.
Please pray that Jane's kidney function makes a rebound as that seems to be the key to several obstacles for her to recover. And thanks to all of you who have prayed for us, loved on us, helped us with meals, money and more. Thanks for those who built the ramp at our house. I can't wait to use it tonight.
God bless you,
Dave
She kind of woke up and said "I'm not ready to go." I asked why. She said "We have too many things to get done." I asked her what things. She said - We have to make sure this (the cancer) doesn't happen to Susan. What else - I have to take care of Caleb. (He is our grandson. He and Jane have a very unique and special bond). Then she said we have to get Kelly taken care of. I said I think he is doing ok. She said, "Yes and he is so sweet." Then I asked what else - She said "and we have to clean the house." We weren't able to finish the list due to medical personnel surrounding us but we will. Praise God that He gave us at least one more day.
Today we are going to our home in Woodstock. That is a great thing but the day has been real tough since the doctor had to come in and be brutally honest about our slim chances of whipping this disease. That makes 5 doctors recently who have had the duty to do that. Jane and I both took this kind of hard and cried a lot for each other. First of all, we both realize that God can reach down at any time and give us another miracle if He chooses. Beyond that, we know that cancer is a horrible disease and do not need anyone to tell us that. My sweet and precious wife has been living with it for 5 1/2 years.
When either of our lives are ended, we know that we will join Jesus. But, we have had a great relationship here on earth for 39 years of marriage and a great life because of that relationship so we just don't want that to end. I thank God that He made a perfect mate for me.
Please pray that Jane's kidney function makes a rebound as that seems to be the key to several obstacles for her to recover. And thanks to all of you who have prayed for us, loved on us, helped us with meals, money and more. Thanks for those who built the ramp at our house. I can't wait to use it tonight.
God bless you,
Dave
Approval to Go Home Today from Hospital
Mom has gotten approval to go home from the hospital today. It will probably be sometime later this evening and they do not want to get stuck in traffic, so hopefully she can leave after traffic settles down and still get home before nightfall in order for us to all be there and to take some pictures together. She's really excited to see her ramp/bridge to the back porch and the grandkids, of course. We'd love to get some video footage.
Dad's been working on the hospice care situation to get it all arranged as well. Susan has been down at the hospital putting in extra hours helping them organize and arrange things as well as caring for mom as only she can as a daughter.
Things are really a struggle right now, and it is tough, but we praise God that she will get to go home. Remember that the doctor had told us when she was admitted to the hospital that it was unlikely that she would leave.
She will be more comfortable at home.
Dad's been working on the hospice care situation to get it all arranged as well. Susan has been down at the hospital putting in extra hours helping them organize and arrange things as well as caring for mom as only she can as a daughter.
Things are really a struggle right now, and it is tough, but we praise God that she will get to go home. Remember that the doctor had told us when she was admitted to the hospital that it was unlikely that she would leave.
She will be more comfortable at home.
Monday, March 24, 2008
"Not So" Smooth Sailing, but Still Waters Ahead!
Mom had an "episode" this morning. Her breathing went to very erratic and shallow, prompting a "code" type response. Doctors, nurses and angels rushed in and found the problem. Her kidney function is pretty low and she was not eliminating the methadone from her body. Essentially, this caused a drug overdose. After an injection of some sort, she returned to her state of regular breathing and consciousness.
The doctor just came in and laid out the following plan for Mom:
1. EAT! (She needs strength for breathing and kidney function.)
2. Check reaction to methadone now that it has been cut in half (pray this doesn't result in pain).
3. Plan on checking out tomorrow!!! (Praise God!) Hospice care will be there for support, but the plan is also to have treatment!
4. Love your husband. (I think Dad added that one.)
Father God, we pray that all of this will be to glorify your name and show that you can conquer all. Above all, we know that you have final say in all that happens and that it will be your will and not ours. We know that you have been with us all along and we just praise you for all you have blessed our lives with.
Further, we also pray for Sequoyah's Sarah Ivester and her family as they deal with their pain and struggles following her mother's sudden stroke. We pray that you will continually minister to their needs and just be with them all along the tough journey.
In Christ,
Amen
The doctor just came in and laid out the following plan for Mom:
1. EAT! (She needs strength for breathing and kidney function.)
2. Check reaction to methadone now that it has been cut in half (pray this doesn't result in pain).
3. Plan on checking out tomorrow!!! (Praise God!) Hospice care will be there for support, but the plan is also to have treatment!
4. Love your husband. (I think Dad added that one.)
Father God, we pray that all of this will be to glorify your name and show that you can conquer all. Above all, we know that you have final say in all that happens and that it will be your will and not ours. We know that you have been with us all along and we just praise you for all you have blessed our lives with.
Further, we also pray for Sequoyah's Sarah Ivester and her family as they deal with their pain and struggles following her mother's sudden stroke. We pray that you will continually minister to their needs and just be with them all along the tough journey.
In Christ,
Amen
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Easter Sunday
Kelly, Dan and I have been down at the hospital today with mom and dad. We watched Easter services together (two churches) but weren't able to be with mom as she was feeling rough and still having some issues that caused her to have to get some rest.
If she feels better tomorrow and her oxygen levels stay up, then the doctor may allow her to go home. We are working to get her hospice help at the house and with a ministry at the church that gives support to those going through times like this.
Please pray for her kidney function and oxygen levels. Her lungs are fine, but she is having difficulty breathing. Also, please pray that the Lord will protect her from any infections as they just found some bacteria in her urine and that could delay her departing the hospital too.
We need to get her out of the hospital strong enough to live at home with a little help from hospice. Then, the job would be building her immune system strong enough to get her low dose chemo treatments.
Also, pray for the family and our health too. Dan and I seem to be coming down with colds and that means that we can't go around mom and really, that we don't need to be around dad either. That is really tough for us wanting to help as much as possible.
Thank the Lord for helping with the potassium levels. They are back to normal now!
Greatest Ramp Ever
The workday is done and thanks to all that contributed. Mom and dad now have a tremendous new ramp to use that will enable her to get in and out of the house now with much greater ease. Getting her in and out of the house to go to treatments had turned into a tough 45 minute ordeal that caused her a lot of pain and discomfort. Now it will only take 30 seconds!
After looking at our finished product yesterday, we decided that the ramp was, indeed, the greatest ramp ever. We are looking in to a trademark and copyright protection.
The family would like to especially thank:
Bill, Tim and Lamont (the skilled labor and project managers from Crossover Church in Blue Ridge that drove down to help and lead).
Steve Bohn, Pate, Bobby Curley, John Edwards, and Rick Bragg (the volunteers that gave all or part of their day to help).
A team from First Baptist Woodstock led by Craig Ormsby that came out last week to build a concrete easement from the side of the road that enabled us to build the wooden ramp from there to the backporch.
Thanks everybody!
After looking at our finished product yesterday, we decided that the ramp was, indeed, the greatest ramp ever. We are looking in to a trademark and copyright protection.
The family would like to especially thank:
Bill, Tim and Lamont (the skilled labor and project managers from Crossover Church in Blue Ridge that drove down to help and lead).
Steve Bohn, Pate, Bobby Curley, John Edwards, and Rick Bragg (the volunteers that gave all or part of their day to help).
A team from First Baptist Woodstock led by Craig Ormsby that came out last week to build a concrete easement from the side of the road that enabled us to build the wooden ramp from there to the backporch.
Thanks everybody!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Saturday 9am to 11ish... Work Day is on! Praise God!
We have decided that the best way to continue to think positive is to do the wheelchair ramp/walkway and some good old fashioned yard work... We would love for ANYONE who is available to join us in our little party to kind of clean up and care for Camp Audia. We don't mind SKILLED or UNSKILLED workers joining in the fun, so come one, come all.
With a dose of love from God and His continued healing through your efforts, we pray that Mom will gain enough strength to make it home soon. Thanks for your help in advance.
Mapquest address for directions:
118 Seth Ridge Dr.
Woodstock, GA 30188
With a dose of love from God and His continued healing through your efforts, we pray that Mom will gain enough strength to make it home soon. Thanks for your help in advance.
Mapquest address for directions:
118 Seth Ridge Dr.
Woodstock, GA 30188
Dr. Feuer
Dr. Feuer, mom's original oncologist from way back came by to see her and dad in the hospital today. It was encouraging.
He told them that he had read the entire protocol from Mexico and that if mom could get a little stronger and her kidneys improved a little that he would be willing to look at all of those options and try anything that could help. He had checked with his pharmacist on all of the recommended medications from Dr. McKee's protocol and they are options once she is healthy enough to try them.
This encouraged mom greatly as she had a rough day today, mentally.
He told them that he had read the entire protocol from Mexico and that if mom could get a little stronger and her kidneys improved a little that he would be willing to look at all of those options and try anything that could help. He had checked with his pharmacist on all of the recommended medications from Dr. McKee's protocol and they are options once she is healthy enough to try them.
This encouraged mom greatly as she had a rough day today, mentally.
No Burden
Hey, you guys pray for my mom and her spirits. After the palliative care team left today, she asked for me to sit down and talk with her and asked me what I "wanted her to do." I asked her what she meant and she said that she "didn't want to be a burden." Of course, I told her she wasn't a burden at all and if that is what she was asking then she should know that I want her to keep fighting this thing and to get better. I told her our first goal was to get out of this hospital and get home with hospice care. Our second goal would then be to "graduate" from hospice on the way to remission. She then squeezed my hand harder than I can remember in months. It was quite shocking actually as weak as she is. I told her that she was getting stronger and that we could focus on building her strength as much as possible. She then grabbed me with her other hand and squeezed it hard too. Just two days ago she had tremors and no strength in her hands as she couldn't even hold a toothbrush without dropping it right out of her hand.
She really needs to focus on building her lungs back up too. They are weak and she isn't getting the oxygen she needs. Pray for strength and that she will know that she is no burden to us. She is very sensitive about this and especially when she needs a lot of help moving in the bed, sitting up, getting to the bathroom or a bedpan, all of that stuff. We love her and she is no burden...
She really needs to focus on building her lungs back up too. They are weak and she isn't getting the oxygen she needs. Pray for strength and that she will know that she is no burden to us. She is very sensitive about this and especially when she needs a lot of help moving in the bed, sitting up, getting to the bathroom or a bedpan, all of that stuff. We love her and she is no burden...
Meeting at the Hospital with Staff, Family and Church
We had a meeting this morning with mom's "Palliative Care Team" which was some of mom's hospital staff, a social worker (Judy), a doctor, two Chaplains from the hospital, Mike Gwinn from First Baptist Woodstock (our home church) and the family. There were 16 people crammed into mom's room and the doctor told us that this was definitely a record number of people in the room.
Dad opened the meeting with prayer for everyone, praised God for our many blessings and asked the Lord to lead us in the discussion today.
One of the staff explained Palliative Care and opened the floor for discussion, starting with mom and asking her for what she is feeling and thinking about. She stated that she doesn't like being the center of attention and this kind of discussion makes her uncomfortable.
The question was asked about how she has felt since she has been back from Mexico. She stated that she has been in pain and that everybody wants to help her but she doesn't like people focused on her.
I brought up the fact that they have been very frustrated with getting the medical treatment they want and need in America after receiving superior treatment in Mexico at the Sanoviv Medical Institute.
Dad shared the full story of Sanoviv and mom's miraculous recovery while there which was very educational and very inspiring. Then he shared the treatment plan that he received from Sanoviv including the chemo protocol to take to her treating physician in Atlanta and how they have not been able to find one that would work with them here yet.
He shared how they went to Emory and how discouraging it was when the lead OB/GYN oncologist (Dr. Horowitz) at Emory didn't even read the protocol, told them they couldn't do anything, was dismissive and insulting as he told them that you "can't put any hope" in that type of treatment (which you could tell he hadn't read since it was a chemo treatment regimen from California - do you really think he didn't believe in chemo?).
Dad then shared his frustration with the Kaiser Permanente system trying to follow up with them to get the treatment they know they need and have mapped out, not another opinion!
He shared how finally by going through Customer Service and telling them that they do not want another opinion they want their treatment that they believe in outsourced.
The physician that was there from the Palliative treatment team interrupted nicely to defend the doctors in Atlanta and explain the way that things work in America. Thanks for that.
Dad shared that more than anything his frustration has been with doctors telling them that there is nothing else you can do when their only option is more chemo when that is not the only option. At the very least there could be help in treating her immune system and helping her feel better and improving her quality of life.
Judy, the social worker asked many clarifying questions and brought up the fact that many doctors might be afraid of doing harm since their first job is "to do no harm" and when they are not aware of some kind of treatment they might be afraid of "doing harm."
I shared a little more about the other treatments she was getting at Sanoviv that hadn't been discussed and her response incuding walking, eating, talking, etc. There was some discussion about those treatments and what they did.
Judy asked about what exactly would help the most. The answer was greater coordination help, research to find where they can get the type of treatment they want and need, etc.
The doctor shared that mom has some kidney problems that are now stopping her from getting some medicine that she now needs. Additionally, an MRI she was scheduled for today will not take place because of this. It could damage the kidneys and they do not want to do that further right now. She needed the MRI because she is having double vision and they are worried that it is a tumor, though an initial look another way showed nothing.
The doctor shared several other things to expect and things they are looking at right now specifically with her case.
One of the care team, Cindy (very nice), asked about getting some help to dad and mom through an hospice supporter in the home that will allow dad to focus on mom and then hopefully as they seek other options. The goal would be to graduate.
Mike Gwinn shared about a ministry at the church that assists with hospice. Judy shared that there is a list of approved hospice providers available immediately.
One of the chaplains shared that hospice would simply support and augment the family. Dad shared that he is concerned that mom would feel like he wasn't taking care of her, possibly, and that she might not be comfortable having somebody else taking care of her. Family will think and talk about this and get back with them on a decision.
There was then a discussion about a living will and decisions that mom should make about whether she wants life support or recessitation.
The meeting ended by the team sharing thanks for allowing them the opportunity to meet with us, be with us and hear our story. The Lead Chaplain was very comforting as well.
One of the chaplains (the lady in the back that was observing) went to sleep for most of the meeting. Kelly said that she loved coming to these naps, I mean meetings.
Dad opened the meeting with prayer for everyone, praised God for our many blessings and asked the Lord to lead us in the discussion today.
One of the staff explained Palliative Care and opened the floor for discussion, starting with mom and asking her for what she is feeling and thinking about. She stated that she doesn't like being the center of attention and this kind of discussion makes her uncomfortable.
The question was asked about how she has felt since she has been back from Mexico. She stated that she has been in pain and that everybody wants to help her but she doesn't like people focused on her.
I brought up the fact that they have been very frustrated with getting the medical treatment they want and need in America after receiving superior treatment in Mexico at the Sanoviv Medical Institute.
Dad shared the full story of Sanoviv and mom's miraculous recovery while there which was very educational and very inspiring. Then he shared the treatment plan that he received from Sanoviv including the chemo protocol to take to her treating physician in Atlanta and how they have not been able to find one that would work with them here yet.
He shared how they went to Emory and how discouraging it was when the lead OB/GYN oncologist (Dr. Horowitz) at Emory didn't even read the protocol, told them they couldn't do anything, was dismissive and insulting as he told them that you "can't put any hope" in that type of treatment (which you could tell he hadn't read since it was a chemo treatment regimen from California - do you really think he didn't believe in chemo?).
Dad then shared his frustration with the Kaiser Permanente system trying to follow up with them to get the treatment they know they need and have mapped out, not another opinion!
He shared how finally by going through Customer Service and telling them that they do not want another opinion they want their treatment that they believe in outsourced.
The physician that was there from the Palliative treatment team interrupted nicely to defend the doctors in Atlanta and explain the way that things work in America. Thanks for that.
Dad shared that more than anything his frustration has been with doctors telling them that there is nothing else you can do when their only option is more chemo when that is not the only option. At the very least there could be help in treating her immune system and helping her feel better and improving her quality of life.
Judy, the social worker asked many clarifying questions and brought up the fact that many doctors might be afraid of doing harm since their first job is "to do no harm" and when they are not aware of some kind of treatment they might be afraid of "doing harm."
I shared a little more about the other treatments she was getting at Sanoviv that hadn't been discussed and her response incuding walking, eating, talking, etc. There was some discussion about those treatments and what they did.
Judy asked about what exactly would help the most. The answer was greater coordination help, research to find where they can get the type of treatment they want and need, etc.
The doctor shared that mom has some kidney problems that are now stopping her from getting some medicine that she now needs. Additionally, an MRI she was scheduled for today will not take place because of this. It could damage the kidneys and they do not want to do that further right now. She needed the MRI because she is having double vision and they are worried that it is a tumor, though an initial look another way showed nothing.
The doctor shared several other things to expect and things they are looking at right now specifically with her case.
One of the care team, Cindy (very nice), asked about getting some help to dad and mom through an hospice supporter in the home that will allow dad to focus on mom and then hopefully as they seek other options. The goal would be to graduate.
Mike Gwinn shared about a ministry at the church that assists with hospice. Judy shared that there is a list of approved hospice providers available immediately.
One of the chaplains shared that hospice would simply support and augment the family. Dad shared that he is concerned that mom would feel like he wasn't taking care of her, possibly, and that she might not be comfortable having somebody else taking care of her. Family will think and talk about this and get back with them on a decision.
There was then a discussion about a living will and decisions that mom should make about whether she wants life support or recessitation.
The meeting ended by the team sharing thanks for allowing them the opportunity to meet with us, be with us and hear our story. The Lead Chaplain was very comforting as well.
One of the chaplains (the lady in the back that was observing) went to sleep for most of the meeting. Kelly said that she loved coming to these naps, I mean meetings.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Long Day
Hi everyone...
Just wanted to give everyone a report on my mother and by far the most challenging day of my life. Thanks to all those friends who have asked and prayed and generally thought about our family while my mother battled ovarian cancer starting back in the fall of 2002.
Here is what my day went like yesterday... a little long, but a little light at the end if you read it...
Wednesday, March 19
10:00 am- I had an eerie feeling that I needed to call my Dad since mom had been struggling the past two days with mobility and nausea along with a fading appetite. So I called and instead got my Aunt Pat who is 13 years older than my mom. She said that mom had been extremely lethargic and hard to get out of bed to go to a treatment that morning. When they arrive at the clinic, the Doctors tell my dad to take her to the hospital immediately, that she is in serious danger. Her potassium level is low. I found Diane and Pete and with knots in my stomach left for the hospital. Lorri, Joe and Mark covered my classes and took the burden away and Yvette is all over the sub! Thanks, Guys!
11:00 am- Mom is admitted to the emergency room at Northside and we have called all the family to rush to the hospital as she was in and out of consciousness. Everyone hurried and got to the hospital shortly before 3 pm to be with her.
2:00 pm- Everyone tries to comfort my mother and let her know we are praying for her. She is unresponsive, other than to adjust her cap she likes instead of her wig. She loses consciousness soon after. From this point on, we try to comfort one another and my Dad who has never once left her side. He is such a tough guy, makes me wonder if he is really my Dad, because I cried the other day when I hit my thumb playing ping pong.
4:00 pm- Mom is moved up to a regular bed with her breathing shallow and she has yet to eat or drink anything since 2 pm. (She had a sip of water at 2.) Some of her closest friends start to show up, but she is not aware of their presence. They are terribly affected.
6:00 pm- No change in Mom's status, and we are beginning to sense we have already said our last goodbyes that could be heard. We huddle together and cry until 8 with a few visits to kiss and hug our mom all the way up to about 10 pm. Dad is sad and is not giving up hope, but he is obviously visibly shaken.
10:00 pm- The grownups with families and kids at home kiss mom goodnight and leave for the evening with heavy hearts. Dad, Olin Jr. (Mom's brother), and myself stay behind to be with her throughout the night. My very close new girlfriend (pause for laughter) Kim and I walk down the hall and cry and sort of chat. I tell her that I wish mom wouldn't hurt and that I miss her already and I just wish I could see her one last time and talk with her. I know we always wish we have more time with those we love, but I prayed that we all could because we didn't have much time to see her that day... especially my sister Susan who had to drive from Blairsville and barely made it by 3:00 after securing loving friends as babysitters for her THREE girls!
11:15 pm- With everyone gone, Dad, Olin, and I agree to sleep in shifts of one hour in the waiting room. The other two will hold hands with mom and continue to pray and talk with her. Stephen Pate shows up after running errands all day and provides us with a lift in spirits, but mom is not in good shape. He can give testament to this when you see him. Thanks, Pate.
I go to lie down if not sleep...
12:00 am- 45 minutes into my "shift," Olin comes into the waiting room and asks if I could come on back in. I choke back some tears and fears of what I am sure is going to be a sad moment and make my way into the hospital room already rehearsing how I will call my sister and brothers and let them know.
There, on her bed, Mom is sitting up and talking to my Dad and her brother and drinking water. She is fully alert and has evidently responded to a kiss on the lips from my father with a startled "WHAT WAS THAT?!" A big weight is removed for the time being as she asks questions like "Whats going on?," and "Why is my vision still blurry?"
Not going to lie... cried like a sissy. Went and scavenged for food in the community cupboard... "borrowing" what I could from the other sleeping patients out of the refrigerator. Mom asks for warm food, and the hospital returns with chicken, mashed potatoes, and peach cobbler. She eats and talks and eats and talks. She hasn't eaten like this in days. She especially liked the popsicle from the person in 349 who stocked them in the fridge. I did, too. Phone calls go out to my family and I am sure they slept well after a fearful few seconds. I wasn't tired anymore. Racquetball anyone? I get to tell her how much I love her and hear how much she loves me again... Wow. May seem small to you, but not to me!
Being the "black sheep" of the Audia's I have always struggled to figure out how God could love me... but I realize He does... even if I don't get Him.
We know we might have just gotten a short reprieve, but thats what we asked for. Mom is not out of the woods and her chances are still very slim, but that settles it for me... JESUS LIVES. Thanks for praying and listening.
See you soon,
Kelly Audia
Just wanted to give everyone a report on my mother and by far the most challenging day of my life. Thanks to all those friends who have asked and prayed and generally thought about our family while my mother battled ovarian cancer starting back in the fall of 2002.
Here is what my day went like yesterday... a little long, but a little light at the end if you read it...
Wednesday, March 19
10:00 am- I had an eerie feeling that I needed to call my Dad since mom had been struggling the past two days with mobility and nausea along with a fading appetite. So I called and instead got my Aunt Pat who is 13 years older than my mom. She said that mom had been extremely lethargic and hard to get out of bed to go to a treatment that morning. When they arrive at the clinic, the Doctors tell my dad to take her to the hospital immediately, that she is in serious danger. Her potassium level is low. I found Diane and Pete and with knots in my stomach left for the hospital. Lorri, Joe and Mark covered my classes and took the burden away and Yvette is all over the sub! Thanks, Guys!
11:00 am- Mom is admitted to the emergency room at Northside and we have called all the family to rush to the hospital as she was in and out of consciousness. Everyone hurried and got to the hospital shortly before 3 pm to be with her.
2:00 pm- Everyone tries to comfort my mother and let her know we are praying for her. She is unresponsive, other than to adjust her cap she likes instead of her wig. She loses consciousness soon after. From this point on, we try to comfort one another and my Dad who has never once left her side. He is such a tough guy, makes me wonder if he is really my Dad, because I cried the other day when I hit my thumb playing ping pong.
4:00 pm- Mom is moved up to a regular bed with her breathing shallow and she has yet to eat or drink anything since 2 pm. (She had a sip of water at 2.) Some of her closest friends start to show up, but she is not aware of their presence. They are terribly affected.
6:00 pm- No change in Mom's status, and we are beginning to sense we have already said our last goodbyes that could be heard. We huddle together and cry until 8 with a few visits to kiss and hug our mom all the way up to about 10 pm. Dad is sad and is not giving up hope, but he is obviously visibly shaken.
10:00 pm- The grownups with families and kids at home kiss mom goodnight and leave for the evening with heavy hearts. Dad, Olin Jr. (Mom's brother), and myself stay behind to be with her throughout the night. My very close new girlfriend (pause for laughter) Kim and I walk down the hall and cry and sort of chat. I tell her that I wish mom wouldn't hurt and that I miss her already and I just wish I could see her one last time and talk with her. I know we always wish we have more time with those we love, but I prayed that we all could because we didn't have much time to see her that day... especially my sister Susan who had to drive from Blairsville and barely made it by 3:00 after securing loving friends as babysitters for her THREE girls!
11:15 pm- With everyone gone, Dad, Olin, and I agree to sleep in shifts of one hour in the waiting room. The other two will hold hands with mom and continue to pray and talk with her. Stephen Pate shows up after running errands all day and provides us with a lift in spirits, but mom is not in good shape. He can give testament to this when you see him. Thanks, Pate.
I go to lie down if not sleep...
12:00 am- 45 minutes into my "shift," Olin comes into the waiting room and asks if I could come on back in. I choke back some tears and fears of what I am sure is going to be a sad moment and make my way into the hospital room already rehearsing how I will call my sister and brothers and let them know.
There, on her bed, Mom is sitting up and talking to my Dad and her brother and drinking water. She is fully alert and has evidently responded to a kiss on the lips from my father with a startled "WHAT WAS THAT?!" A big weight is removed for the time being as she asks questions like "Whats going on?," and "Why is my vision still blurry?"
Not going to lie... cried like a sissy. Went and scavenged for food in the community cupboard... "borrowing" what I could from the other sleeping patients out of the refrigerator. Mom asks for warm food, and the hospital returns with chicken, mashed potatoes, and peach cobbler. She eats and talks and eats and talks. She hasn't eaten like this in days. She especially liked the popsicle from the person in 349 who stocked them in the fridge. I did, too. Phone calls go out to my family and I am sure they slept well after a fearful few seconds. I wasn't tired anymore. Racquetball anyone? I get to tell her how much I love her and hear how much she loves me again... Wow. May seem small to you, but not to me!
Being the "black sheep" of the Audia's I have always struggled to figure out how God could love me... but I realize He does... even if I don't get Him.
We know we might have just gotten a short reprieve, but thats what we asked for. Mom is not out of the woods and her chances are still very slim, but that settles it for me... JESUS LIVES. Thanks for praying and listening.
See you soon,
Kelly Audia
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Low dose chemo and High dose God's grace.
This past week has been very busy for us. Jane is pretty weak and her walking is very limited. Thanks to all of you who are helping us with the wheel chair ramp. This week it became a necessity. As far as treatment, Jane says she will do whatever I want and she wants to live for me, our kids, our grandkids and for all of you who are pulling for her.
We have decided to go forward with the chemo treatment at the Immune Recovery Clinic (IRC). We met with Dr. Jenkins at Piedmont Hospital this week and came away feeling a little down because he could not offer any hope. Dr. Jenkings offered to do chemo if we wanted. He would not agree to do the protocol recommended by Dr. McKee.
The IRC will do low dose chemo and follow the protocol prescribed by Dr. McKee. I do not believe that Jane is strong enough to withstand any regular dose chemo. The manner in which the low dose is delivered theoretically puts more chemo into the cancer cells than does a regular dose the traditional way. The clinic is attempting to build her immune system and will continue that along with the chemo. The low dose will not be as rough to take. Jane is getting cesium treatment, intravenous Vitamin C, colloidal Silver, transfer factor and a couple of other things.
Please pray that we are recognizing what God would have us do. Jane needs strength, an appetite (she is not eating enough) and a lot of reassurance.
Thanks to all of you and may God give each of us a large dose of His grace as we approach Easter week.
Dave and Jane
We have decided to go forward with the chemo treatment at the Immune Recovery Clinic (IRC). We met with Dr. Jenkins at Piedmont Hospital this week and came away feeling a little down because he could not offer any hope. Dr. Jenkings offered to do chemo if we wanted. He would not agree to do the protocol recommended by Dr. McKee.
The IRC will do low dose chemo and follow the protocol prescribed by Dr. McKee. I do not believe that Jane is strong enough to withstand any regular dose chemo. The manner in which the low dose is delivered theoretically puts more chemo into the cancer cells than does a regular dose the traditional way. The clinic is attempting to build her immune system and will continue that along with the chemo. The low dose will not be as rough to take. Jane is getting cesium treatment, intravenous Vitamin C, colloidal Silver, transfer factor and a couple of other things.
Please pray that we are recognizing what God would have us do. Jane needs strength, an appetite (she is not eating enough) and a lot of reassurance.
Thanks to all of you and may God give each of us a large dose of His grace as we approach Easter week.
Dave and Jane
Saturday, March 8, 2008
What a day
We left home at 6:55, arrived at the Immune Recovery Clinic at 8 and started IV Vitamin C and a few other things at about 9. That took until about 3, but during that time, I worked on Kaiser and we were able to meet with Dr. Pashkevich about treatment options. We met with Mr. Bradford, the CEO, from 4 until past 5. Started home and Jane was hungry. We ate some Chinese food then drove home. Jane went to bed at about 9 and slept until past 5 this morning. She looks and feels like after two days of treatment that she is starting to mend again. We are both encouraged.
I was on the phone with Kaiser departments for over 2 hours. Overall, Kaiser has been very good with Jane and her treatment over the years but we do have to go through the hoops sometimes. I feel that the problem with getting treatment since Dr Feuer dropped us has been a misunderstanding on what we are asking for and that, though very simple, was hard to convey.
They all, (Dr. Feuer, Dr. Horowitz, Dr. Koziare, Dr. Bodauer, Dr. Costagno, the referral department, member services, advice nurses) thought that we were asking for second and third opinions when, in reality, we are asking for treatment. If I had a dollar for every time I said that, all the treatment would be paid in full. Finally, Valerie of member's services understood the difference and started the process that ended with us getting an appointment next Tuesday with Dr. Jenkins at Piedmont Hospital. He is outside of Kaiser and outside of SEGO where Dr. Feuer is. Dr. Jenkins could do the treatment if he deems it appropriate.
Here is our path this week as we continue to trust God to open the doors He wants us to pass through. We will continue to go to the Immune Recovery Clinic (IRC) for all the treatment that Kaiser will not provide for us. We would prefer the IRC for all the treatment but that does not seem feasible at this point. If Dr. Jenkins will do the chemo, Kaiser would pay for that. In that case, IRC would do the immune system protection and rebuilding along with some alternative treatments as well. If Dr. Jenkins will not do the chemo, then we will have it done at IRC and attempt to get Kaiser to pay for it.
Thank you so much for your continued interest, prayer and support.
Dave and Jane
I was on the phone with Kaiser departments for over 2 hours. Overall, Kaiser has been very good with Jane and her treatment over the years but we do have to go through the hoops sometimes. I feel that the problem with getting treatment since Dr Feuer dropped us has been a misunderstanding on what we are asking for and that, though very simple, was hard to convey.
They all, (Dr. Feuer, Dr. Horowitz, Dr. Koziare, Dr. Bodauer, Dr. Costagno, the referral department, member services, advice nurses) thought that we were asking for second and third opinions when, in reality, we are asking for treatment. If I had a dollar for every time I said that, all the treatment would be paid in full. Finally, Valerie of member's services understood the difference and started the process that ended with us getting an appointment next Tuesday with Dr. Jenkins at Piedmont Hospital. He is outside of Kaiser and outside of SEGO where Dr. Feuer is. Dr. Jenkins could do the treatment if he deems it appropriate.
Here is our path this week as we continue to trust God to open the doors He wants us to pass through. We will continue to go to the Immune Recovery Clinic (IRC) for all the treatment that Kaiser will not provide for us. We would prefer the IRC for all the treatment but that does not seem feasible at this point. If Dr. Jenkins will do the chemo, Kaiser would pay for that. In that case, IRC would do the immune system protection and rebuilding along with some alternative treatments as well. If Dr. Jenkins will not do the chemo, then we will have it done at IRC and attempt to get Kaiser to pay for it.
Thank you so much for your continued interest, prayer and support.
Dave and Jane
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Immune Recovery Clinic
On Wednesday, I took records and protocols to Kaiser oncologists, to Dr. Feuer and to the Immune Recovery Clinic in Dunwoody.
When I entered this clinic, the first thing to strike me as odd was that there was an open Bible as the main display on a table at the entrance.
I got to speak with Dr. Kinsolving and Mr. Bradford at the Immune Recovery Clinic. They were excited about the papers from Sanoviv and Dr. McKee. I arranged for us to go in today and tomorrow for a entrance examination and consultation. In addition today, they gave Jane an IV of Vitamin C. This place would follow the program we have been given by Dr. Perez and Dr. McKee. Insurance would probably not pay much of it.
Kaiser called me back and is giving us another referral to another doctor that they contract with and she is in Dunwoody. I hope to make an appointment tomorrow for early next week so that we can determine right away the exact path to take.
We did not hear anything from Dr. Feuer.
Jane really liked the people at the Clinic today. They were positive. And although it was not Sanoviv by any stretch, the staff is positive and very knowledgeable about most of what we learned at Sanoviv.
Jane's legs were very weak today. She can only take a few steps at a time without rest. She has more pain. I think this clinic can help her but it is important to get on with it I believe.
Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks, Dave.
PS - Jane says she is just overwhelmed by all the support by so many people.
When I entered this clinic, the first thing to strike me as odd was that there was an open Bible as the main display on a table at the entrance.
I got to speak with Dr. Kinsolving and Mr. Bradford at the Immune Recovery Clinic. They were excited about the papers from Sanoviv and Dr. McKee. I arranged for us to go in today and tomorrow for a entrance examination and consultation. In addition today, they gave Jane an IV of Vitamin C. This place would follow the program we have been given by Dr. Perez and Dr. McKee. Insurance would probably not pay much of it.
Kaiser called me back and is giving us another referral to another doctor that they contract with and she is in Dunwoody. I hope to make an appointment tomorrow for early next week so that we can determine right away the exact path to take.
We did not hear anything from Dr. Feuer.
Jane really liked the people at the Clinic today. They were positive. And although it was not Sanoviv by any stretch, the staff is positive and very knowledgeable about most of what we learned at Sanoviv.
Jane's legs were very weak today. She can only take a few steps at a time without rest. She has more pain. I think this clinic can help her but it is important to get on with it I believe.
Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks, Dave.
PS - Jane says she is just overwhelmed by all the support by so many people.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Let's Pray for Dr. Feuer!
I'm praying that Dr. Feuer will embrace the treatment plan from Sanoviv and fully support mom and dad in doing what they ask him to do in clearing any hurdles or helping them cut red tape. We need to get mom back on that treatment plan so she can take the chemo treatment and succeed.
Lord, please give us a doctor that will work with this plan we all feel good about or direct us to a better plan; Your plan!
Lord, please give us a doctor that will work with this plan we all feel good about or direct us to a better plan; Your plan!
Emory visit and next steps.
We did not get the answer at Emory that we had hoped to get. However, we are viewing this meeting as a door being closed and are trusting that God is leading us elsewhere. Basically, Dr. Horowitz at Emory, did not really investigate the findings from Dr. McKee very deeply and did not trust them at all even though we tried to convey our trust in what had been done. Dr. Horowitz said that he would suggest to Dr. Feuer (Jane's original oncologist) that he might try the original chemo that Jane had 5 years ago.
Today and tomorrow, I will search in 3 directions for the answer: 1) I will talk to Dr. Feuer and take a copy of Dr. Perez's report to him to study. I'll ask Dr. Feuer to try this protocol or some parts of it while we work on Jane's immune system through Kaiser's system. 2) I will check with Kaiser to see what their recommendation for treatment is since both the people they sent us to basically said "no more treatment". 3) I will call the center in Atlanta that does alternative treatment to check on the possibilities there to follow Dr. McKee's protocol. This is a center that Dr. McKee recommended.
Please keep us in your prayers. They keep our spirits up. For those praying that Jane's appetite return got an answer today. As we left Emory, Jane got hungry rather than down and wanted to go to the Varsity for a naked dog and onion rings. I took her and ordered a salad:) She ate 1/2 the dog and 3 onion rings. She had a nutrimeal for breakfast.
Dave and Jane
Today and tomorrow, I will search in 3 directions for the answer: 1) I will talk to Dr. Feuer and take a copy of Dr. Perez's report to him to study. I'll ask Dr. Feuer to try this protocol or some parts of it while we work on Jane's immune system through Kaiser's system. 2) I will check with Kaiser to see what their recommendation for treatment is since both the people they sent us to basically said "no more treatment". 3) I will call the center in Atlanta that does alternative treatment to check on the possibilities there to follow Dr. McKee's protocol. This is a center that Dr. McKee recommended.
Please keep us in your prayers. They keep our spirits up. For those praying that Jane's appetite return got an answer today. As we left Emory, Jane got hungry rather than down and wanted to go to the Varsity for a naked dog and onion rings. I took her and ordered a salad:) She ate 1/2 the dog and 3 onion rings. She had a nutrimeal for breakfast.
Dave and Jane
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Sanoviv
Sanoviv - What a great place!
- From the beginning there, we realized what a difference the treatment was. Immediately, we saw that they were going to treat Jane rather than a disease. We realized that here in America we had experts and good doctors taking care of most problems Jane has, but no one was taking care of her as an individual.
- Dr. Perez knew instantly that Jane's immune system was almost destroyed and needed to be rebuilt.
- He knew after a few tests, the other situations Jane had going on and started treating those.
- He, after a couple of consultations with oncologists, developed a plan to treat the cancer that Jane is getting rid of. He said that cancer is a multi-faceted disease, so needs multi-faceted treatment.
- The traditional approach to cancer treatment, especially in the states, is to use chemo, radiation and surgery. The sensible approach since each of those destroys part of the body while working to stop cancer, is to use those tools as a part of the treatment while the other parts would be to make the immune system stronger as you repair the damage created. Chemo should only be part of the treatment, never all of it.
- The entire staff worked together (they all eat lunch together each day and discuss each case during that time and at other times as needed) to help Jane heal. The communication is unbelievable. Even the dining room staff knew immediately from Dr. Perez what Jane needed. Here, the oncologist never spoke with the pain center who never spoke with the lymphedema specialist who never spoke with the oncologist. Does that seem like a problem?
- A big part of the treatment was dealing with our belief system also. They spoke of the importance of believing in a "Higher Power" in the healing process. Can you imagine that being important in healing?
- From the beginning there, we realized what a difference the treatment was. Immediately, we saw that they were going to treat Jane rather than a disease. We realized that here in America we had experts and good doctors taking care of most problems Jane has, but no one was taking care of her as an individual.
- Dr. Perez knew instantly that Jane's immune system was almost destroyed and needed to be rebuilt.
- He knew after a few tests, the other situations Jane had going on and started treating those.
- He, after a couple of consultations with oncologists, developed a plan to treat the cancer that Jane is getting rid of. He said that cancer is a multi-faceted disease, so needs multi-faceted treatment.
- The traditional approach to cancer treatment, especially in the states, is to use chemo, radiation and surgery. The sensible approach since each of those destroys part of the body while working to stop cancer, is to use those tools as a part of the treatment while the other parts would be to make the immune system stronger as you repair the damage created. Chemo should only be part of the treatment, never all of it.
- The entire staff worked together (they all eat lunch together each day and discuss each case during that time and at other times as needed) to help Jane heal. The communication is unbelievable. Even the dining room staff knew immediately from Dr. Perez what Jane needed. Here, the oncologist never spoke with the pain center who never spoke with the lymphedema specialist who never spoke with the oncologist. Does that seem like a problem?
- A big part of the treatment was dealing with our belief system also. They spoke of the importance of believing in a "Higher Power" in the healing process. Can you imagine that being important in healing?
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